A continuation of the information collected from the Call Center Sales Lines of examples of those things you and everyone you know should be aware of. The majority of you are idiots. Thanks for making things so lovely for me. 
A lot of people are nice and understandable and even if not sufficiently educated at least they have a clue. The rest of you really suck.
#1. STILL…the hardest question for anyone to answer:May I have your zip code please?
It’s not 123 Main St.
Now I know that when you answer in that way you have started out the call not listening and I have polished my skills in a way to let you know you’re an idiot without even knowing it. It’s a fabulous thing and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy so, keep it up.
#2. STILL…the second hardest question for anyone to answer:Which credit card will you be using today?
It’s not Wells Fargo, Citibank, Platinum, or any other like that.
Its Master Card, Visa, American Express or Discover.
Duh. Why do I have to ask you that? If you could see me rolling my eyes back into my head you might understand how stupid it sounds when you don’t give me that info. I do give a great deal of patience to more senior folks as they mostly will get to it in time. They crack me up when they say Master Charge too. I remember that so, I feel for them.
#3. Teaching your children how to use the phone.I know it’s really cute to teach your 3 or 4 year old to call grandma on the phone but can I just say they aren’t calling her all the time? They’re calling me. And what are you doing while this child has dialed the phone and gotten through to an operator? I’m not sure but, it certainly isn’t being a parent. They are so cute though. Still, it’s hard for 3 year old to understand Mommie or Grammie aren’t at this number. It’s also hard when the 7 and 8 year olds call and when you ask where Mommie is she’s out at the store or something. What? Oh My God. Anyhow – please refrain from teaching your children how to use the phone. Someday they’ll call China or something. Maybe they’ll even call Social Services on your butt. Would serve you right.
#4. Reading off your credit card number.You have no idea how hard it is for people to read these numbers off of their card. It’s even harder for the operator to get them right. So, I’m going to give you a few tips to assist you should you have to do this at any time in the future.
Credit Cards are made up of 4 sets of 4 numbers.
Read these numbers off in those 4 sets.
Example:
4425 7900 3527 1111
Four, Four, Two, Five (stop momentarily)
Seven, Nine, Zero, Zero (stop momentarily)
Three, Five, Two, Seven (stop momentarily)
One, One, One, One
It is NOT Forty Four, Twenty Five, Seventy Nine Hundred.
Although – that’s not so bad and even understandable.
It’s the ones who do the whole mix it up and make it interesting that make you crazy.
Four, Four, Twenty Five, Seventy Nine Hundred, Thirty Five, One, One, Eleven
What?? Argh.
Also, That’s a ZERO not an O. (Ohh)
It’s not Seven, Nine, O, O.
It’s Seven, Nine, Zero, Zero.
Just an FYI.
Weren’t numbers like some of the first things you learned? Is it really that freakin hard? Do you think that by providing me with Seventy Nine Hundred is showing me your number skills or something? And since when is a zero an O?
#5. Your email address.Some of you make me laugh, some of you make me want to scream, and others I am surprised you have gotten through this much technical difficulty to survive with a computer as part of your life.
I don’t know it or can’t remember it.
I don’t use it or don’t want you to have it.
It’s Cmarysmith. (Okay- that’ll work how?)
It’s my first and last name, all lower case, the at symbol, whatever. ( I may not have access any longer to your fist and last name and also AT is perfectly acceptable but, I appreciate the effort anyway)
Dash and Underscore are two different items. Learn them. Dash -. Underscore_.
Dumb butt @ whatever ( I never laughed so hard at someone’s email address before just thinking that his girlfriend must have made it for him and he has no idea how to do his own)
.net or .com etc for your provider is actually important. Know which one it is.
Sexysuzie69 is kind of silly for anything other than your chat room or on line dating crap.
Make an email address just for these types of situations. Hotmail, Yahoo, Gmail, all kinds of things you can do to get that done. Remember it, make sure you know the whole thing and can provide someone with that info easily. When you get to the end of the call and ask me for a confirmation or invoice of some kind I am going to tell you that I could have had that emailed to you. I can also have information on the product emailed to you if you don’t want to order. Pretty simple from my point of view but you all make the simplest things very difficult.
#6. Cell Phones.I know, they are all the rage, you have time while you’re driving to do this, it’s your only phone, etc etc whatever.
You should really place a telephone call over a phone that works well. Get a better provider or to an area where it’s working before you make a call. Idiots.
You are worried about me having your credit card information but you have no problem putting it out there over a cell phone? Freaks.
I just love when you are on a land line and your cell phone rings and you tell me to hold on while you answer it. What? I can’t even write what I call you people.
Your call drops and you call back (still not doing well with reception) and tell me someone already took your information but you didn’t get to order. Guess What…hahahahha…have to do it all over. DumbAss will be calling all night probably to try and get it done.
You have the habit of both talking on your cell phone and to other people at the same time. You are not multi tasking – really.
#7. New Yorkers, Babblers, Interrupters.I can spot a Ny’er from the first two words. And, they usually aren’t nice. And they’re hostile, rude, interruptive, cranky ass, know it alls who want a deal.
AHAHAHAHAHA….not in your life dude.
I’m going to give it back to you as best I can while keeping my job so you had better just stop talking over me, giving me grief and being a royal pain in the butt. It would go better for you if you did. Really. Now, give me your credit card number you ass.
Oh the bible belt. I’ve got to tell you other than the old people who call who all want to just have a friendly chat with anyone the mid-west bible belt, deep south and Texas peeps all have a life story to chat with you about. There is serious kindness intertwined with bringing back to where we were that needs to go on and there are days when I just don’t have the patience. A lot of times they’ve got some sob story to share (and sometimes lots of them) and while I feel for them, I can’t just keep that all going – it’s my job not to. Thank goodness I have that Yank talk in my voice cuz I think a great deal of them realize that right up front and just don’t go there. Thank goodness.
Those pesky Interrupters. Mostly in a hurry or know it all’s that don’t know a dang thing and waste more time doing what they are doing then taking the time to listen to get whatever it is they are calling for and coming to a resolution of some kind for both of us. They’re funny. I have to laugh – really. You all crack me up.
Yes, I actually do have to state and ask you if I can record the call. I had one woman who would not say yes, even after I read the whole I will have to discontinue the call if you do not….blah blah blah. You know, she called back and was quiet through the rest of the whole conversation. GREAT stuff.
Yes, I do have to state a very specific legal approval to credit your card under the terms blah blah blah thingy so, you really shouldn’t interrupt that with a – did you say it will be shipped?...or some other question cuz if you don’t hear and approve you aren’t getting anything. When someone says to you “so, to verify on Sunday April 12th 2008..” you know that’s important, you should be listening and you are more than welcome to ask questions but you know there might be some important information there. Silly. Don’t call me tomorrow and say my card was charged and I don’t know why or something else cuz it’s not going to help if you weren’t listening, interrupting, and just said yes because you were too busy to listen or whatever. You should be removed from the gene pool.
When you do call in for something and someone is taking your information you really shouldn’t talk over, interrupt, or think you know everything because I am just about to tell you what you NEED to know, what you SHOULD know, what you WANT to know and by interrupting you are making it difficult as well as irritable for me. You get nothing that way. You are a big LOSER.
Okay – it’s been a while since the last one of these so, my apologies for it being so lengthy but, you had nothing better to do. Right?
As always-Thanks for listening and thank an operator for good service and quality, Big Brother is listening.